Let me in!

      I had a great Sunday! It was cold, but under the sun it was feeling great! Days like this give us the sensation that it goes slower than regular days. I can't explain, but it feels like it is a balanced day, where everything looks calm and tranquil.

      Around 8pm my girlfriend and I went to the Aventura Mall, and on our way to it, she found out that it was closed. So we thought about some other mall, Sunset Place, that closes at 9pm. And by that time, it was 8:30pm, but, according to my calculations, we had time to get there. With windows closed, I stepped deep on the gas and after a lot of red lights, we got there.

      Most of the stores were closed, but the one my girlfriend wanted to go to was about to close. They still had consumers inside, so we got in. After 20 minutes looking for those makeup removers, I asked for one of the sellers and she said they don't have them anymore. Alright then! Bad luck, let's go to a CVS and then get something to eat. I was very hungry.

      The CVS was near, on a corner, a cold corner, the temperature was getting lower as it was getting late. We got there and, it may sound weird, but it was closed! "We just closed!" said the guy from inside the store. I thought it was good, that way we could get something to eat faster.

      We started to walk down the street and we saw this italian restaurant with those heaters outside, but even with those, it was extremely cold. We decided to get a table inside, witch was cold anyways, because they kept opening the door. They were closing. I hate to have dinner with pressure. Waiters can be very annoying when they want to go home.

      After finished our dinner, we went straight back to our home. I was tired, freezing and angry about those waiters. Just needed my sweet bed. We were almost home and I was thinking about the pain in the *@# that would be to find a slot to park. It was 11:00pm and it is always impossible to find a parking spot so late. But the worst was there, cops, everywhere, their cars were blocking the streets. We found a place to park, very far, but we couldn't get one better.

      Walking home was hard, specially with the freezing breeze hitting my nose and ears. All those police cars and cops were in front of my building and, for some reason, they were not letting us in. I asked what happened and why we were not able to get in, but he just ignored me. After 10 minutes trying to get some information and getting hit everything I was trying to get in my building, we finally gave up and went to the car to find a hotel to spend the night.

The Nightmare

      The faces looked nervous, I could see veins sprung on their foreheads. The security guard was checking everyone, and with a flashlight, looking every single ID, passport or whatever document people was showing. It was the entrance of the one of the best night clubs in the world, and I was on the line trying to get in.

        Inside I would see a lot of celebrities, famous people, very rich people arriving on their Ferraris and Rolls Royces, followed by huge bodyguards, covered with tattoos and tuxedos. People who pay ten thousand dollars for a table inside, in what they call very important people area. And the truth is they are not important, they are just rich and famous. A mathematic teacher is an important person.

        Anyways, I was on that line, observing everything what was going on. When I noticed, I was next. That big guy who was taking care of who gets in and who doesn't gazed at me from head to toe and laugh. He waved his head said no, pointed at me and yelled: "Hey people! Here is a good example for what not to wear!". Everyone started laughing and pointing at me and I didn't know why.

         I was not understanding what was going on, until I looked down and saw I was wearing my pajamas. When I tried to run, I couldn't, my legs were stuck on roots and people kept laughing, very, very loud. All of sudden I jumped, and when I did it, I got up from my bed, breathing very fast, with my heart beating like a heavy metal drummer.

         It was just a bad dream. 

Happy Fuc$#@% Birthday

      Today is my birthday. Yay? Not on yay mood. I suppose though, but February 10th started with the wrong foot. First because of a stupid popcorn that got stuck inside my gum, it hurts a lot! Brushing didn't not work, neither floss. Maybe I will wait until something grows up and I can pull it out.

      Then I was at school, by the time I got there, the sun was shining, birds were singing and the cars were just passing. After three hours of class, when you go out, EVERYTHING is different. All changed, it was night, raining, the birds were dead and the cars were trying to wash you, getting closer to the sidewalk just to hit the puddles.

      Yes, as you can imagine, I got home all soaked. From feet to head, and guess what: i dropped my laptop, brand new Mac Book Pro, inside a puddle. Too good my cel phone and wallet didn't fall too. Now I am starting to feel sick, not because of my laptop, but for being all soaked and getting into a very cold room, where the a/c were on the whole day.

      That is not a very good way to start your birthday right?

      Now, where is my present?

Not so Polite

      Gyms are a great place to have a good time. Specially if you go with your partner or have friends and instructors to push you up when you need (even if it is to drop some tears complaining about your job). That is why we love our gym.

     The first time we went there, we were treated like kings: water, tea, smoothie or soda? We have a special promotion for you guys! We will give you also a free hour of massage or spa! Here, take these guest passes! Take these samples of creams and shampoos from our dressing rooms! And also, one free training with our personal trainers.

      It didn't look like a gym actually, more like a five stars hotel. But it is a gym, and we have to sweat. I love to pump some irons. We got in touch with the personal trainers and they were awesome! Explained everything, from how to lose weight to how to become the next Mr. Universe. We really liked to train with them, but life is not always joy. At the end of the train, they gave us a folder with prices for the next trains, expensive values that we could not afford. I felt bad saying we would not keep training with them, but the truth had to be said.

      And today, the mask came down. As I was walking towards the bathroom, I saw one of the personal trainers helping someone. I looked at him and, with a smile, said hi, but he didn't answer back. Maybe he didn't notice that. On my way back, I did it again, and those same eyes who once looked at me with a warm look, didn't do anything again. Later, my girlfriend needed help with a machine and he was the only person near to explain how it worked. I went to talk to him, he didn't even said hi, just heard me and, with a butt face, came to help.

      We can not order people to like us, but a little bit of education is always nice. Its all about being polite and friendly. But that did not happen today. 

      Those are things we learn at home.

Good Morning?

      You are never ready for bad luck, or you never think about bad things happening to you. But it is just a matter of... luck? Destiny? Murphy's Law? I don't know. But today wasn't a good day.
It started when I woke up. I didn't wake up, I mean, the alarm didn't ring. When I got out from the bed, jumping, it was 11:30 AM. I had stuff to do, nothing important though, just PAY THE RENT (if you read the post from the bank problem, you know what I a talking about.). I got at the office, carrying the check with me, and got surprised when the name of the payee was different from the one I should write to. Thanks God my thoughts are not loud, because I cursed a lot inside my mind.

      Around 1 PM, without lunch, cigarette nor coffee, I went to the bank and, after a huge line, around fifty people, someone from the bank switched the names and everything was fine, for a while, because I got a text message from my phone operator saying my due date was today. Pay or we will cut your line, more or less that. So I ran back to the rental office, delivered the check, stepped on dog shit, threw my shoes on the garbage, and drive straight back home to make the phone payments online. Again, my lucky gave up on me, because my three credit cards were not accepted. Probably because they are not from America.

      I know I might be complaining a lot for not so bad stuff, but those types of things drive me nuts.

      Hopefully tomorrow is going to be a good morning.

My dog ate my homework

Isn’t life wonderful? You wake up feeling wonderful on a Saturday morning, have a wonderful kiss from your beloved one, eat a wonderful cereal with wonderful non fat milk, brush your teeth with a wonderful tooth paste and then your teeth look wonderfully bright. You open the door of your wonderful apartment and go check the mailbox. You see a wonderful letter with something not so wonderful inside: a paper from your bank, saying your account will be closed and your money is retained.

It’s shocking. Your wonderful morning no longer exists. The only thing I thought about was my money and the bills I had to pay. Ah, and the check I already sent, that is going to be discounted on Monday, for the apartment rent. Yes, it is going to be very uncomfortable if they find out my check did not have funds.

So I got that letter, car keys and ran straight to the bank. On the way I thought: what I had done to make them do that? Maybe because I am not a citizen? I had no idea. I just wanted my money.

I always had a great service from the bankers, couldn’t complain about anything and this time wasn’t different, until I find out that our banker didn’t uploaded the server with our information’s, and that was the cause of this whole situation. It was all his fault! And now our credit card and bank account was blocked because of him. I was very angry, feeling betrayed. And then the manager said she could fix it, but I didn’t want it to be fixed, I wanted to close my account and open one in a new bank. The trust seal had been broken.

Finally, after two hours of waiting and hearing a lot of “I am truly sorry Mr. Carlos.” and “We want to keep the bounds with you Mr. Carlos.”, I had my money in my hands, and a cashier’s check to send to my landlord.

I am sure that the excuse of “my bank blocked my money” will not work to escape from the late fee’s I will have to pay.

Friday at the Zoo

If I ask you what is the best day to go to the zoo, you would answer Saturday or Sunday. But I don’t agree with that. The best day is Friday. Why? Because its empty! There are only a few kids, you can walk without being scared of some crazy teen riding those four people bikes, you park near the entrance and there is not line at all.

We grab the camera, bottle of water, cigarettes, sun glasses and we were ready to go. Around 11am we hit the road heading to Miami Zoo. It is about 30 minutes from South Beach.  When we reached there, parking was easy and we went to the entrance really fast. Tickets bought, its time to see the animals.

Elephants, tigers, rhinos, they were all sleeping. It could be the time, or the weather, because it was cloudy and hot, but anyways, we could watch and take pictures of them in deep sleep. We were starting to get sad though, our excitement was going away as the animals started to hide, maybe they were tired of all those people coming and leaving everyday without compliments or food.

But our luck changed as we went to see the gorillas. The smell was bad, imagine a marathon runner without a shower and deodorant for 6 months. But they were there, showing themselves, walking side to side. Then I saw their leader. The biggest and strongest gorilla. He looked wise, peaceful. Hidden under a rock, near a huge glass where people can see them closer while they keep knocking on it and yelling “Gorilla! Gorilla! Here!”. If I was that gorilla, I would roar so loud, but so loud, that those kids hair would be up!

After a lot of pictures, the gorilla’s leader looked at me, his sad look made me feel bad, like I had to do something to release him from that place. He kept looking at me until someone knocked that window and scared him.

I needed to do something. But what could I do? There was a huge gap separating us and there was nothing I could use to make a bridge to save him. Other than that, there were cameras every where. The only thing I did was look down and kept walking on the road. The giraffes were waiting for me. I looked behind and he was gazing at me. The last thing I saw was his chest going up, from a deep breath, and then released, sending an “I understand you” message to me.

Treasures at a Department Store

Today my girlfriend and I went to a department store. I will not bring it up the name, but they sell a lot of stuff, headphones, shoes, clothes, and also famous brands products, for a very good price, what makes me wait for hours, while she proves everything. It sounds really nice place, we never had any problem there, but there is always a first time.

As I went to the check out I noticed a woman standing by the cashiers, she was holding some products with both hands, almost like she was carrying a baby, but was not in the line, anyways I asked her. She just moved her head both sides, twice, saying no. But there was something weird about her, she seemed holding her breath somehow. I nodded and went forward to pay for our items. The cashier greeted me with a big smile, showing me all his teeth with excitement. I answered with a shy smile swiped my credit card and while he was packing everything I felt a strange odor, very delicate, but I could recognize it. Someone farted.

That instantly made me remind that quiet woman holding her things. I knew she was hiding something. My first reaction was a giggle, the cashier giggled too, he might smelled it or thought I was flirting, hopefully the first option. The odor got stronger and stronger and I heard someone scream “she passed out!” and looked around and an old lady was laid down on the floor, her things were all spread over, the employee next to her, who was trying to help was the following victim. When I noticed, everyone was coughing and having a bad time to breath. Moms covering their child’s mouths, people running towards the exit.

It got worst when the smoke alarm started to ring. Chaos took over the place. How come a fart could be that strong? Did she do it on purpose? Was that some kind of revenge? And the mainly question: what she had in lunch for God’s sake?

I went to find my girlfriend, she was struggling to reach out a little window, along with three more people, for fresh air. I took her hand, looked in her eyes and she understood it was time to go. Hold your breath – I whispered. We ran out the store, jumping over people and objects on the floor.

The alarm was loud and we were very close to the exit when we heard someone yelling “over here, over here”. The firefighters arrived to save everyone. They took us to an ambulance outside, we saw people getting sick, throwing up, coughing, but we were fine. Maybe we were immune somehow.

After they cleaned up the area, they did not find that woman. Everyone was fine and the firefighters said they had some fart issues before, but not like that one. It was a very toxic fart.

Later on our way home, I let out a little fart in the car, my girlfriend looked at me scared, but then we both started to laugh.

Ps.: this is a fictional story. The real event was only a lady who farted while I was walking towards the cashier.

I love dogs

    I never had a nice feeling about cats. Feline lovers might hate me for this, but I think cats are selfish unreliable ball of furs that makes me sneeze. They might be cute when they are babies, but trust me, they don’t care about you. I say that because I have a cat once and it never gave a damn for me. All it wanted was food and use my closet as a bathroom.

    But I am bringing this up because today I went with my girlfriend to the grocery store and we were finishing our cigarettes when I notice one cat looking at us. It kept starring with a “gonna kill you” face. Like if it knew I didn’t like cats. I saw it moving his had to the right and heard some weird noise from the dry brushes near it and all of sudden, two black cats came from nowhere and started gaze at me. Its was just at me. Felt like in slow motion. I was getting into the cat world while, I could hear their breath while the smell of cat urine was driving throw my nose.

   My girlfriend poked me and then I was back to normal. I looked at her, thought about say something, but I was in shock somehow. When I went to check the cats again, they were gone. We crossed the street and got in the store. We bought everything we needed and on our way out, I saw this figure running from a car, I swear it was a cat, but wasn’t sure. Maybe I was still in shock about what happened.

We were walking back home and I had this feeling that something was following us. I could hear our footsteps and also those cats breathing. We got home, before I closed the door I looked around but saw nothing. After I locked the door, I put our food on the table and went to the room to close the windows. First thing I saw outside was those three cats, gazing at me, with the same frenzy eyes my cat had.

I just love dogs.